Monday, September 30, 2013

What's with babies and NOT letting their mom's SLEEP?


*picture - theguardian.com
Have you noticed that your babies sleep longer when you cuddle with them or leave them with a blankie or t-shirt that you have used? Have you noticed that as soon as your baby is put in her/his crib and you start doing something meaningful she will let out a wail for a cuddle, attention or diaper change? Is it just Murphy's Law or babies can smell their moms away from them? A baby not sleeping well through the night? Even with baby #2 I am as confused as ever as to when should they sleep through the night, how much should they sleep, should I nurse them in the night? What no BOTTLE, yet for your 11m old?

So, I had almost weaned the 5 year old off my bed but then we happened to have a rat in the house and he refused to sleep alone in his room for a week till the rat was caught and since then we haven't sent him back. The 11m old daughter prefers to cuddle in bed and sleep between mom and dad but she was a great fan of the crib till she was 4months old.

If you're a new mama and like to follow the doctor to the T or read any of the numerous parenting websites and books - you must have a heard a long list of dos and donts by the doctor about breastfeeding, weaning, sleeping through the night etc. But I must tell you, MAMA, you are the best judge about your child. And NO, formula doesn't make your child sleep through the night. If your child needs a nap or is not ready to take one or is getting up in the night because she needs a cuddle or comfort only you can decide how you want to react to the situation.

With my first child, after 1.5 years it was difficult to make him take an afternoon nap and there were nights that I have walked with him for over an hour and yelled at him to go to sleep but he wouldn't budge. I would be in tears because he would be up since 6am and it would be 1230am and he wouldn't want to sleep. I found dealing with my very energetic toddler as tough as taking my toughest Computer Science course in college. They both gave me sleepless nights and I had to have my mind alert at all times. I fell asleep trying to make my toddler nap one time, we were in Vietnam so I was cooking all meals myself and was also my son's only form of entertainment. I woke up with a start to find a very white SUDOCREAM covered toddler staring down at me. If you have used it you know it spread thick and is hard to remove so it was all over him as he had tried to remove it before he came to me.

I would want to tear my hair up sometimes with him I am a bad sleeper - I can't just go to sleep as soon as the baby is asleep or ignore the 100things I have to do in the day and lie in bed in the afternoon while things just lie around in disarray. He could play the night away sometimes and when my husband would come back home after a heard days work he would find a teary eyed, exhausted me trying the hardest to not yell the baby to sleep after trying 100different things and a very wide awake amused baby sitting in his tent playing with his cars.

With my daughter she would barely wake up while she was 4m old and would take her feeds and go back to sleep, then she was napping every 3 hours and now she is not yet 1 and takes just 1 nap. For the last 1.5m she has been throwing her sippy down - refusing water and milk in the sippy and trying to get up as often in the night as she can to nurse. Where does that leave me? 

Sleepless and crazed, I am often seen walking around like a zombie 'coz making sure the older one gets to bed and gets to school on time can be a nightmare with a younger one who has given up sleeping. 

My son is 5today and eventually learned how to sleep through the night. I would just have to read him a book or sing him a lullaby and he would doze of and and sleep even through a date night at TGIF. My daughter is just the opposite. She will get up with a beaming smile even if she hears a slight sound and start waving her hand around hoping to catch someone smiling back at her. There is no right answer to how and when will they start and sleep through the night. I have friends who just can't stop partying or have a need to sleep through the night and have special night nannies who stay up when kids get up, walk with them, give them a bottle and do whatever it is to keep the kid from wailing so their mama's can continue their uninterrupted lifestyle.

What I am trying to say mom's, is that do what works for you to make sure you are not irritable and unhappy. If you think you can nurse your child and cosleep with them and that works for you - do it, 'coz the child cant do it forever. If dropping the feed in the night and letting your child go back to sleep on their own works for you, giving the nanny a bottle works for, go ahead and do it. Being a mom is a tough job and we need to get through it while keeping our sanity and not yelling (a bad day and sleepless nights is me being over critical of my staff or being hard on my son) and that is not great! 

Also, there is no room for regret as you don't get the opportunity to undo your doing - your child is not going to remember whether you nursed him or bottle fed him or slept with him or not - it is your conscience that you are answerable to. And you need to raise a happy, content and secure baby - so follow your instinct and stay true to yourself and try to get some lie ins if you are a stay at home mom 'coz raising kids 1 or 2 or more is a FULL time job! As I always say, if you do anything else besides bringing up the kids then you're juggling multiple jobs :)....

I want to discuss sleep schedules for babies of different ages in my next post and would love to know what some of your 1year old's nap times schedules are like :)!




Sunday, September 22, 2013

Can television effect the diet of kids?

Breakfast is also a very questionable affair in my house now days. Ever since the telly and school got together against poor mummy i.e. me. I find putting the maid incharge of it a bit exasperating as she is a bit slow. Earlier I would keep it simple, like a boiled egg, banana and glass of milk. But ever since my son's exposure to the so called "KIDS" channel v/s Cbeebies is on the rise, he has started talking funny to me.

*shared from surfexcel.in

He suddenly told me one day, "Jhansi ki raani se nahi hua toh mein yeh plain doodh kab tak pi sakta hoon" - he picked up from an ad on TV, translated it means, "How can I drink plain milk if even the Queen of Jhaansi was not able to do it?". I don't see how the Horlicks, Bournvita, Boost and other people can rest in peace when they give wrong advice to the kids - do they just sit in their offices and go - "Oooooh, yeah, we upped the sales in Pune by 30%. more and more kids want our drink." Chocos has apparently become healthy because it gives us the same health benefits as having roti (Indian flat bread) - is that even possible? And there is some chocolate that compares itself to giving us the same health benefits as milk. At some point of the day my brain literally blanks out about why should I give him a banana and not banana chips or why should he drink his milk and not just eat a slice of cheese that will give him the energy of 2 glasses of milk instead of one. My son and I am sure most of his peers can quote most advertisments verbatim if they need to use them to their advantage! But owing to my reliable friend the television that rescues me from cranky kids or helps me nap for 15 minutes when I desperately need it, I've had to rethink my breakfast and snack menu.

I always knew the adverse effects of television that is can stunt a child's imagination and growth, effects their eyesite, can give them bad dreams if they watch it just before sleeping, makes their lifestyle sedentary, is addictive but I never imagined that advertising would so adversely effect my childs eating habits - the child who I didn't even show tv till the age of 2.

The tv usually brings a glazed look into my childs eyes and he becomes snappy after 30mins. It has taken me a while to wean my kids off eating in front of the television which is something I inculcated when my hubby was travelling  or I didn't want to constantly talk to them and needed peace or just wanted to get dinner time over with and who cares about munching down broccoli when Chota Bheem is showing his powers or munching on his ladoos. But realising how bad it is for children to keep eating while watching tv we are back at the table whether they finish their full food or not - tv is banned from dinner time. I have also realised if we put our foot down and lay the rules out clearly with an explanation right from the beginning then the children do end up following them eventually. Limiting tv time is the only option to bringing up the child in a healthy environment but that still doesn't solve our food issues.

So, in the morning rush hour when everyone wants to reach school or work on time what are the healthy options that we can give our kids today without spending the whole day in the kitchen. I don't want to sound patronizing but I try and avoid food with preservatives like peanut butter, jams and sauces at least first thing in the morning.

Moong dal cheela, Idli and Dosa, Rava Dosa, Sheera, Semiyan in Milk, Dailya, Upma, Baked Oats with apple or bananas in milk, french toast, cheese toast, vegetable sandwich, egg sandwich, oat pancakes, aloo paranthi, thepla, poha and eggs (omelet, scrambled, fried) make a quick and healthy breakfast and most of them can be prepared in minutes if some work has been done in advance. Also, most of these foods mentioned with a little advance prepration and varying of accompaniments can be used as the next days snack. For example I can give the child cheese dosa for breakfast and the next day dosa with sambhar and chutney for lunch. Nowadays presenting food with a smiley face or decorating it with their favorite food as accompaniment can win you brownie points and leave the child happy (i.e. tummy being full) But how can we compete with chocolate for breakfast, even I feel like having it sometimes.

The class teacher of my child has thankfully explained to them about good and bad eating habits and how vegetables are really healthy. She also told them that chocolate should be eaten once a week and that seems to solve my chocos problem right there :)! I had given up on my child eating any greens till he entered Sr. Kg and now he at least gives everything a try. We can also try a rewarding system and give them a star for each day they eat their healthy breakfast or offer them some other oat or wheat based cereal combined with chocos.

I have decided I am going to try and come up with 30 breakfast options so that I have a steady snack or breakfast list handy and will have a link mentioned here with the recipes. Also, menu planning is such a chore especially when you have kids who have to carry two meals a day to school. I am going to come up with some dabba (lunchbox) friendly menus soon too - just follow this space. And if your kids are unfussy and eat whatever is cooked for the whole family YOU need me to train me too and share some tips on how you managed it!

This reminds me The Lunchbox is out and has won many many accolades - so a night out seems due just as soon as I sort out the breakfast problem and get my 11m old trained to sleep through the night again...

Till next time.... enjoy your Sunday as today it's CHOCOs day!

Thursday, September 19, 2013

So, what did YOU do today honey?

My husband has absent mindedly asked me this question on a couple of occassions after coming back from work and if I have had a long day with no break to even rest my behind - he has pretty much had it from me. Ask anyone living in a nuclear family - even with a maids and nannies - babies seem to want their mom's more and more as they grow up! And if I ask him for a hand after a full day of work he seems to give me what I call,"The Incredulous Eye Roll" , as if, you have been lucky to be home with kids and I have just gotten back... so, how can you?






The Indian man has always been told he is the bread earner and he seems to demand certain kind of attention when he gets home, especially in joint families. And though the times have changed and the women are really out there, it seems that even working women still have to figure out the daily running of their house, figuring out groceries, managing house help, budgeting for the house AND managing their kids, scheduling their kids classes, doctor appointments, keeping the kids immunisation schedule in mind, planning birthday parties etc which seems unfair 'coz then they are basically doing TWO jobs and getting paid for one. If the house help is off on the weekend then I don't even seem to get a decent hour to unwind where I can just tune off from my daily duties of making sure both my kids are bathed, fed and entertained.

Nowadays, with a 10 month old my nights are long 'coz her sleep pattern seems to bersek every few weeks and my 5 year old has to get to the car by 8:40am so to get him to school on time so I have to be an early riser to make sure things are organised in the morning. But most days sees me getting up at 4am and rocking my daughter till 5am... then enjoying a cuppa of coffee in the only alone time of the day I get without hearing a "mama", "Ruchiiii" or "Bhabiiii".  Most day I want to cheat in a nap from 6-730am but something or the other comes up.

My house looks like a Tom and Jerry cartoon being played in fast forward mode in the morning if I have slept in beyond 730am on any day. I have to just rush my kid through everything to get him ready on time. So my morning usually looks like, 10m old on hip and 5year old being shaken awake by me. Then 5year old in bathroom and helping him through routine with one hand and running back to the high chair to feed the 10m old with the other hand. In the middle of helping the 5year old change my 10m old(potty trained) wants to poop and shoot we're running late to school and he hasn't even started the breakfast while the didi is rolling her eyes and wondering whether she should feed him, fill his bottle or make him wear his shoes or just clean up while I am in the bathroom with my 10m old. When I come out nothing has moved forward so we end up packing his breakfast and feeding him on the way... so if this is just my morning and I am sure at least some of you are sailing in the same boat as me. Then the rest of the day can look chaotic too unless both kids are at school for the full day and when I have been running around like a mad hatter the last thing I like to be asked is how my day was or if I am asked that, then please be patient enough to hear me rant and rave.

The problem with  nuclear families is that YOU are your only back up and probably don't even have the time to fall ill! The hubby could be travelling, the maid could be ill but you have to be charged like an EVERREADY battrey and be a substitute for the cook, driver and everything to get the child ready on time. And ofcourse there are good days too when everything seems to run smoothly and you can squeeze in some alone time with the hubby before you go to bed or watch your favorite serial on the telly.

I can be super organised but somehow I have realised that MAYHEM suits me and so be it. We usually have to come back up in the lift once in a while because my son has forgetten to carry his bottle or bag or both and getting angry doesn't seem to be the solution.

So, nowadays when I leave the house at anytime of the day instead of glancing at the mirror one last time, I have lowered my expectations. I just try to make sure I am carrying both my kids, wipes and water and the house keys out with me and the rest I seem to leave to HIM... because how much ever I have trained the house help there are days when I land up somewhere and the maid has forgotten the diaper and the baby has pooped or we are at piano class without the correct books and there is only SO much I can do to ensure everything is PERFECT so I'd rather live in my inperfect world.


Monday, September 16, 2013

Mumbai meri jaan...

Hello Mumbai! I have been itching to write and bake but most of the time I have my 10m old straddled on one side and am running to catch up with my 5 year old who I am usually picking up from school or shuttling to a class or playing a funny one hand game of cricket where I am always balling.

I look pretty hassled if you would ever bump into me and have managed to reach school to pick up my elder one wearing my kurta inside out BUT life is slowly starting to sort itself out. I am managing to get 4-5 hours of sleep on a good night. The rainy weather that I don't like is finally going away. I have realised I cannot bake in the day with two kids going "Mama", "Mama" every couple of minutes. The last time while trying to pry my 5year old son's homework from my 10m old's hand I almost forgot to put in the flour into my cake and I am sure you non bakers out there also know that it's a pretty important ingredient for baking.

So while I have been trying to figure out how to be a mom to TWO, I have also been trying to find a schedule for my kids and myself and classes and am going to give you a lowdown of things that will help you only in the suburbs.... I am resourceful and can find some things out for you but for that you will have to email me.

I have been brought up in Mumbai and done my schooling here and then was out for about 10 years. I am finally back and trying to find my feet in this madness... the Mumbai scene has slowly and steadily absorbed thousands and thousands of people in it's fold. My son's first observation of Mumbai was that it was such a tiny place compared to Gurgaon - he felt like everyone was on the road which he found small, the cars he felt were tiny and even the houses and playground were mini compared to what he was used to. Must say he was pretty dissapointed with the move. But I have always looked forward to being back in Mumbai after having been away for 10years and am a little disappointed with it.

Small, small things have changed around here. I grew up in an area of Juhu and thankfully managed to find a house here again when I returned. Everything around seems familiar but different.

The beach where we used to run around in our childhood in free abandonment is hounded by 100's of photographers waiting to hold onto your child and take a "perfect smiley picture". It's filled with a crowd that looks unfamiliar and instead of screaming at your kids to hold onto you - you just turn to look for a safer playground for them which aren't many. Most of the buildings and bungalows have gone into redevelopment and eaten up into their parks where kids used to play. We barely have place to park our cars nowadays.

I used to go to Prithvi theatre all the time as a kid to watch plays but this time around I was in for a surprise. My son and I were booked to watch a play a couple of months back and reached 15minutes in advance to find a line snaking down the lane of Janki Kutir just to get inside. Over zealous mothers had their servants standing for them and when I reached inside there were seats with bags, bottled backpacks booked for the kids to just walk inside and take a seat without having to wait in line. And I don't think it's the kids who are brats but the parents who have so much money to spend on servant who just wait on hand and foot on them.

Earlier parks were filled with children and gossiping mothers but nowadays they are filled with all types of uniformed nannies, unassuming maids and some mothers even find it below their dignity to accompany thier kids to the playground as their friends would think they don't have a maid.

Since I am not a working mother to regain my sanity at some point in the evening I take my kids down to the garden. My daughter strapped in the stroller, my travel mug has some steaming masala chai and my son is told to do whatever he wants but WHERE ARE THE KIDS? Everyone mother I know seems to have a class phobia and I am pretty competitive myself (so note to self - must send Arav to all possible classes).

But, really how many classes can a poor 4year old do. I know some mothers who have enrolled their kids in 2 classes a day and that is after having gone to school. Why can't you tell your children about the national bird or the President of India - why do we need a class for that. I thought a class was like an extended playdate but not always. Beware classes also come with a lot of cliques involved mainly whether the other mothers feel if you are worthy of doing a class with them or not. Or whether you are able to shell out a certain amount of dough on a yearly basis - not important whether your child's innocence and playing years are at stake.

So, I have decided I am also going to ADAPT and CHANGE (well, at least try to). Since I have no time to bake - I am going to try and give out useful tips and information about classes in the area, food tips for kids, menu planners to help mothers who have school going kids and just fun information that I can collate as I am an internet junkie... and I look forward to you just reading my thoughts. And at some point when the stars align in my favor I may be able to enter the kitchen and follow my favorite passion - baking!

Till then I am going to leave you with a view of my house which always calms me and reminds me why I love this city inspit of its madness!




Shall be back soon...

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